Some People Don't Want to be Saved
by Hidingtobeseen
Summary: "The night was young, about 2 am, and a light breeze blew in from the sea carrying away the stench of the city and replacing it was salt. A good a night as any to meet the dead." Richard Grayson has grown painfully accustomed to death, but this time was different and he'll be damned if he loses Jason twice.
1. Searching

**I don't normally write chapter fics, but this idea has been stuck in my head forever and when I finally got around to writing it down I thought, why not?**

**Mild disclaimer: My spell-check is down in Word for some awful reason. I've used the spell check on FF but if you do come across something it or I have missed, message me and I'll fix it.**

oxoxoxoxoxox

Dick had tried to reason with himself. He really had. He had sat awake in his apartment, thinking and rethinking over what he had seen and heard while fighting the new Red Hood. There was something about his movements, his fighting style, something that struck a chord with him. Dick pressed his hands to his face. And the way he spoke, bantering during a life or death fight with Mr. Freeze, casual and smooth, like it was something he grew up doing. _No_, Dick shook his head roughly, _no it isn't possible._

But Bruce had felt it too. Even if he didn't say it. Dick had lived with the man for almost ten years; he could tell when something was bothering him. So when the call came from Alfred, he didn't question it. The man's voice was thick and he kept pausing to clear his throat, but Dick understood.

"It's…He's…Jason."

Dick understood.

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

It didn't take Dick too long to get on Jason's trail. Dick had set up a good many tracking cameras around the worst parts of the city when he was trying to build a case against a opium smuggling ring a few months ago, and one of them caught the new Red Hood ducking out of a window on the third floor of a convicted apartment building in Lower Bludhaven. Guilt burned in his chest when he realized Jason had been living in Dick's city without him even noticing, but then again, how could he have known? Either way, it was good place to start, so Nightwing swung by, only to find it empty. Well, almost empty. There was dust, mold, enough empty bottles to play "99 bottles of Shitty Scotch," and a crumpled up piece of paper with a phone number and a bright red kiss. Thanks to modern age technology, Dick quickly discovered Jenna Hamza, as well as her birthday, middle name, and home address. Her extremely unamused and probably drunk roommate was more than happy tell Nightwing where "JiJi" was working if he would just go away so she could finish her shower. After quick change into civis, it took Dick twenty minutes to find the place. And less than 30 seconds to wish that he hadn't.

And that's the story of how Richard Grayson found himself inside of "Supers X", one of Bludhaven's hottest strip clubs. Excuse me, Dick corrected himself, shaking his head in resignation, one of Bludhaven's hottest _superhero themed_ strip clubs. Dick felt himself searching for something hard to bang his head against as he counted the _third_ Robin dancer, this one wearing a sparkly green micro skirt and red platform heels. Not to mention the Batgirls, Zantanas, Wonder Womans, and even a Kid Flash. He knew, of course, that these places existed, but he had tried really hard to not actually go in one. Until now. Dick had a sneaky suspicion that Jason had done this on purpose, but was distracted as the next dancer was called out, to encouraging shouts of "JiJi! JiJi!" Dick's head shot up, his eyes bugged out, and his jaw dropped.

The approaching girl, with waves of jet-black hair cascading down her back, was completely naked except for a black thong and a blue line painted in a V from her navel to her shoulders, snaking down her arms and ending at the tips of her middle and ring finger. Dick forced his mouth shut as Nightwing grabbed the pole, blew a kiss, and started her routine. Now he _knew_ Jason was screwing with him.

He silently fumed for a few seconds, before remembering why he was here in the first place. Summoning all of his self control, he approached the stage where the female-him was dancing. Despite having never been to a super-themed club, Dick had been to been to plenty of other ones. This girl wasn't half bad, strong and flexible enough to do some of the more complicated moves that the other girls couldn't. _Explains why she has such an apparent fan-base_, Dick thought as he wormed his way through the throng of people around her, most of them already waving bills. Dick dipped a hand into his pocket, pulled out his wallet, and plucked a fifty out of it. His plan was to draw her attention with a large bill when she came around to collect money and flash her the piece of paper with her phone number. He expected that should at least get him a chance to talk to her. What he didn't expect was for the girl to make a bee line for him as soon as she got down from the pole. Blatantly ignoring the outstretched bills around her, she slowly crouched down in front of him. She looked incredibly pleased, raking her eyes over him, and Dick fought the urge to blush. Something about the look in her eyes made him feel like he was the one naked on a stage. He tried to raise the paper in his hand, but she looked away from him and dropped a wink at someone behind him. He thought about trying to show her the paper again, but she was standing up now. Covering up his confusion with a smirk, he slipped the cash, phone number and all, into the waistband of her thong. If he was anything, Dick thought, he was adaptable when his plan flew out the window.

Dick turned and started to wiggle his way out of the crowd as JiJi sauntered away. Just as he broke through, his path was blocked by again, this time by a girl. She was wearing tight jeans and a dark tank top cut at her midriff. _So not a dancer_, Dick thought, just as she said,

"Can I get you something to drink?" _Ah yes, waitress._ Dick could imagine Bruce shaking his head at him; the girl was carrying a tray after all. She blinked at him expectantly, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"Uh, a Scotch Mist." He flashed a smile. The girl's eyebrows went up slightly, but just as quickly lowered them again. With a slight nod, she walked off. Dick managed to find an empty seat. Although Jenna might not even find the number, he might as well wait. He had to wave off a couple girls working the floor before the waitress came back with his drink. He handed her cash, but instead of leaving, she perched herself on the arm of his chair. The girl looked down at him, still hiding half a smile. Dick tried not to look confused and smiled up at her. Nothing seemed to be going his way tonight.

"Slow night?" He asked.

"Oh, not really." She shrugged, propping her empty tray up against her knee. "This place is hopping most of the time. Especially when Ji is working." She nodded over to the stage said girl had just vacated, a very fond look coming into her eyes as she spoke about the dancer. "That girl draws a almost a quarter of the business all by herself. My name is Casey by the way." Smiling, Casey switched the tray from her right to her left and offered him the newly freed hand.

"Dick." Dick shook it, mildly surprised at the calluses on the palm. More than would normally come from carrying a tray. He looked over the girl quickly as she glanced behind her. Unmistakably pretty, her hair was cut short and fringed with blue at the tips. Although not particularly large, 5'7" 120-130 pounds at a glance, the set of her shoulders and neck, as well as the subtle lines of muscles in her arms and stomach, spoke of strength. And training.

"Karate?" Casey turned back around to look at him, confusion sparking in her eyes. "Or Mixed?"

"Karate." She raised an eyebrow. "You aren't the first person to point it out either." She didn't seem at all offended. Laying the tray across her knees, she propped her elbows up on it and leaned forward. "Is it that obvious?"

"Only to someone who knows what to look for." Dick wanted to say more, but Casey cut him off.

"And you know?" With a smile, she didn't wait for an answer. "I guess you do, I mean, Ji is the best dancer here and you went straight to her." Casey was direct, not trying to act coy and aloof as too many girls do. She was obviously used to people not knowing how to handle her and Dick could easily imagine quite a few men being swept away by the force of her personality.

"What can I say, I don't like letting opportunities slip away." Counter bluntness with bluntness. Casey smirked. _Game on_ was practically written on her face.

"Then you are going to love this one." Before Dick could ask her what she meant, a hand swept over Casey's shoulders causing her to start slightly.

"When are you ever going to stop jumping like that?" The hand rested casually on the waitress's shoulder. The hand was connected to an arm, a blue line running up over the shoulder. The arm was connected to a girl and Jenna "JiJi" Hamza stood before them.

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

"What now?" Dick had been playing it cool all night, but he already had three drinks and the exclamation slipped out. The two girls standing in front of him certainly didn't mind. Casey tried to hide a grin and Jenna blatantly giggled. He looked between the two of them, the way hands pressed to waists and they leaned comfortably against each other, and realization clicked. " 'Our apartment.' " He repeated. "As in the two of yours." Casey nodded, grinning now, and swirled her drink. "You know," Dick took a swig from his glass and looked at them over the rim. "I've been asked a lot of things by a lot of people at a lot of clubs, but 'Would you like to come back to our apartment?' is by far the most direct approach I've ever seen." He looked directly at Casey. "Your idea, I'm assuming." Jenna leaned into who Dick now realized was her girlfriend and stage-whispered.

"Told you he was a good one." Dick blew off the minor subjugation and examined his situation. Two beautiful girls had just bought him four drinks and then blatantly invited him to a three way at _their_ apartment.

_Any other night_ he thought desperately _Any other night but tonight._ He smiled at them.

"So I'm guessing you guys don't make this offer very often."

"Right you are. But," Jenna glanced back to him. "You aren't the first handsome stranger we've found."

"Not even the first this week." Casey added under her breath and Jenna elbowed her. Dick raised an eyebrow.

"Actually, you are a lot like him." Casey ignored the other girl's jab. "Same hair, same approach to Ji's stage. Hey," She chuckled. "Even the same drink order." She looked up to Jenna. "I think Ji has a very specific type." Dick froze, a memory forcing its way to his head. A memory of a argument with Jason. The boy insisting that scotch was the only decent hard liquor. That it should always be served with a twist of lemon. A Scotch Mist. Dick didn't even remember how the debate had ended, or when the drink had become _his_ go-to order, but the memory suddenly burned fresh.

"So, you pick us lucky winners out of the crowd and Casey reels us in?" Dick kept his tone light as he spoke to Jenna, still working through his thoughts. Jason had been here, of that Dick was sure, and he would bet his fingerstrips that he had been these girls' latest 'pick'. He resisted the urge to snort. Of course he would be. Few people could resist Jason.

_You certainly couldn't. _Whispered the part of his brain that had just enjoyed four drinks.

Shaking the thought out of his head, he refocused on the girls. He had missed Jenna's answer, but from the grin on her face, he assumed it was a "yes." He put on the same look Bruce gave the women at his donation parties, eyes twinkling, mouth curled in a soft smirk.

"Normally, I would take you girls up on this in a heartbeat, but I'm actually looking for someone. And I think you can help."

They exchanged a mildly surprised look at his refusal, but shrugged.

"Who are you looking for?" Casey raised her eyebrows. "And how could we help?"

"Well," Dick put his glass down. "Can you tell me what the other guy this week looked like?" Another look of surprise.

"Are you a cop or something?" Jenna didn't seem too worried about the possibility, only mildly curious. Dick shook his head.

"Please." He said dismissively. "I think he might be my brother. He ran away a few years ago and I heard he was back in town." Sticking as close to the truth as possible helped him keep his story believable, but Dick still felt a twinge in his chest as he explained. "We didn't part on the best foot, you know, so I was hoping I could find him, make it up to him." Casey's face softened and Jenna nodded slowly.

"Well, he was about 6'1" 220, dark hair, green eyes." Casey wiggled her eyebrows. "Well-built." Rolling his eyes, Dick digested the information. Height and weight matched the new Red Hood and the eye color was correct. "He said his name was Richard." Dick groaned inwardly. Of course he would.

"Did he say where he was going?"

Honestly, Dick hadn't expected the girls knew where Jason was, so imagine his surprise when Casey pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket.

"We swapped numbers." She said, handing it to him. Dick had to remind himself not to let his jaw drop. Either Jason had gotten really sloppy or he _wanted_ Dick to find him.

_Orrrr_ _these girls are totally worth getting caught. Maybe we should find out. _

_Shut up,_ grumbled the responsible parts of him. Dick mentally thanked Bruce for all the lessons in self-control and took the paper.

Richard

2822626340 ox

Raising an eyebrow, Dick pointed to the last two figures.

"Ox?" He asked. Jenna smiled.

"Like 'xo.' A hug and a kiss."

"Right." Dick nodded. "Except backwards." A light bulb shone in his head, only slightly fogged by alcohol.

"Do you want to copy the number down?"

"No, I'll remember it." He smiled, heart racing with excitement. "Thanks for your help." He turned to leave.

"Hey," Jenna's voice called him back. Her arm was draped over Casey's shoulders, the smaller girl with her hand on her hip, and Dick suddenly found himself wondering what these girls' story was, where they met, whether they planned on staying here or if they were just moving through, who they were without the stage lights. "After you catch up to your brother, come back and find us." Dick felt a genuine smile creep up his face.

"Bet on it." He sent them a mock salute before turning back around and walking into the crowd.

oxoxoxoxox

**Next chapter should be up soon! Complete with a flashback to little sassy Jason. Not that he isn't still sassy, but...anyways.**


	2. Waiting

**I'm back! I was planning on waiting a bit to upload this, but I had it finished and the reviewers asked nicely :P **

**This chapter is a bit shorter and is mostly a flashback. And is on the smutty side, but not enough to consider an M. Consider yourself warned. :P**

* * *

As soon as Dick was out of the building, he ducked down a side street and crouched on the filthy gravel. Pulling a pen out of his pocket, he scribbled the number Jason had given Jenna and Casey on his palm.

2822626340 0x

Then underneath it:

39337374451 1x

Each digit one backwards on the number line. His hands trembled as he added decimal points and degree signs.

39.3373° 74.4511°

Leaning his head back against the brick wall, he started at his palm. Coordinates. Coordinates to Jason. He _did_ want to be found. Pulling a device out of a hidden pocket on the inside of his jacket, he typed the numbers in. 39.3373° N, 74.4511° W. A blinking dot landed on the screen, a twelve blocks from Dick's location. Dick took a deep breath and stood up. The night was young, about 2 am, and a light breeze blew in from the sea carrying away the stench of the city and replacing it was salt. A good of night as any to meet the dead.

..

It was almost two thirty when Dick slipped in to the building through a broken window. It appeared abandoned, but Dick was cautious as he checked the rooms. Only rats, glass, cardboard boxes, and shredded plastic. It wasn't until he reached the top floor that he found a locked door. Five minutes and a little World's Greatest Dective training at work and Dick eased the door open. As the hinges creaked, he realized he probably should have changed out of civis, but it was too late for that. He stepped inside.

The room was empty of life. A table, flashlight, and a surprisingly clean bed was all that showed that someone was, or at least had been, here. A quick search proved that someone had moved in quite recently. There was only a few hours till dawn; he might as well wait. Putting his back against the wall facing the window, Dick took a seat in the dark. Waiting turned to thinking and thinking turned to remembering.

* * *

Dick flopped onto the bed, calves dangling off the edge, and stared up at the ceiling.

"I don't know Jason, I never understood Alfred's obsession with teaching us proper tea service either." He raised his head and glanced down the bed to the desk the other boy was sitting at. The manor bedroom was pretty much the same as when he lived in it. A heavy wooden dresser and night table flanked the queen bed which was the center of attention in the room. The desk where Jason was perched rested against the opposite wall.

"I'm glad you asked me though" Dick smiled, "even if Bruce might be better help." Jason frowned slightly, before answering with a smile. Although smiles always seemed to turn into mischievous smirks on Jason's face.

"Good thing you were in the area." Jason raised an eyebrow. "Any particular reason you were in Gotham?" Dick felt a blush threaten to creep onto his face and waved one hand dismissively.

"If you are asking whether I was here to see Barbra, the answer is yes. But," He pursed his lips, held up one finger, and mimicked said-Batgirl in a ridiculous falsetto. "You'll have to find someone else to impress with your flexibility Grayson, I have work to do." Dick dropped his arm over his eyes with a sigh as Jason cracked up behind him. "That woman drives me crazy." Dick grumbled. "And not always in the good way." He added ruefully.

"And did you?" Jason's voice sounded closer than before and Dick raised his arm to see the teenager standing at the foot of the bed, smirk still hovering on his lips. He looked rather like a cat trying to decide whether or not to play with a mouse.

"Did I what?"

"Find someone else?" Lifting one leg, Dick poked Jason in the stomach with his toe.

"None of your business." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Unless you're offering?" Chuckling, he dropped his arm back over his eyes.

"Maybe." Dick snorted.

"Please. You could never keep up with my "impressiveness." The bed creaked as Jason hopped on. "Hey, do you think I could convince Alfred to make some of those ch-" Dick broke off as he felt pressure on his legs. Looking up again, he saw Jason perched on top of him, straddling his thighs. The smirk was still on his face and his eyes glinted dangerously. "-hocolate cookies. What are you doing?" The words came out in one burst as Dick eyed the younger boy in confusion. Jason blatantly ignored the question and dropped one of his own.

"What makes you think I couldn't keep up?" Never breaking eye-contact, Jason rolled forward and carefully placed his hands on either side of Dick's shoulders.

"Because I've have three extra years to practice." Dick said quickly, trying to simultaneously muster up as much dismissiveness as he could and ignore the tingling sensation that was steadily growing in his crotch. He pushed himself up onto his elbows, stared directly into Jason's eyes, and said in his best adult voice, "Now let me up."

And Jason kissed him. Surprisingly - and surprised Dick was - , Jason's lips were soft and pressed gently, coaxingly. Equally surprisingly, Dick felt his eyes fluttered shut. And, ever so slightly, he returned the kiss. He could feel Jason smile as the boy's tongue brushed against his lips. "J-" Dick tried to say, but Jason seemed to kiss his words away and Dick could barely see them go. He pressed forward, mouth teasing Jason's open, and he was rewarded by a groan from the other boy. It wasn't until Dick felt a hand placed on his belt that he began to really protest.

"Jay." Dick mumbled and Jason pulled away from the kiss. He blinked for a moment, before pulling Dick's arms out from under him and pushing him onto his back. The comforter on the bed made a satisfying "poof" as Dick fell onto it. "Jason." Dick was breathing heavily as he stared up at the boy on top of him. Jason was smiling in earnest now, eyes bright.

"Hmm?" He said, moving his hand back to the belt buckle.

"I…" Dick started, but Jason cut in.

"You what?" Jason raised an eyebrow. "You don't think this is a good idea? Neither is dressing up in spandex and swinging from roof tops and that doesn't stop either of us."

"But you're-"

"I'm too young, you're too old, etc.?" Jason snorted slightly "Three years? Come on, Bruce has ten on some of the girls throwing themselves at him. Speaking of Bruce, he's in Star City for the weekend, and Alfred thinks we're studying tea service and wouldn't dare interrupt something so important. In case that was your next argument." Dick stared at the boy, who seemed quite pleased with himself. "And saying you don't want it," Jason placed his hand lightly on the bulge in the other boy's jeans. "That's just bullshit." Dick squeezed his eyes shut and tried not to press himself against the hand.

"So?" Dick opened his eyes to see Jason looking at him, hand still waiting. "Can I?" Dick furrowed his eyebrows at this.

"After all that," Dick paused "you're asking for permission." Jason shrugged.

"Call it a personal thing." And he still didn't move.

Dick pursed his lips for a second, looking at the boy on top of him. Green eyes sparkling, cheeks flushed, that maddening smirk still on his lips, waiting for an answer. Whatever part of him that wanted to say no was very, very easily outvoted.

Dick nodded and the "Yes" slipped out of his mouth a little more eagerly than he would have liked.

..

Dick moaned, digging his fingers into the sheets underneath him; Jason's mouth was warm and wet and making him see stars. And then it was gone. He moaned slightly in protest as Jason lifted his head.

"First you told me to stop, now you want me to keep going? What kind of consistency is that?" Jason put on his best innocently confused face and blinked up at Dick. The older boy tried to control his breathing as he mock-glared down his own stomach.

"I actually never got around to saying stop, because you kept c-cutting me offff." The last part of Dick's sentence was at least an octave higher as Jason dipped his head down again and did something wonderfully cruel with his tongue. Dick arched his back, raising his hips, and was pushed back down by a strong hand. Another hand on Dick's other hip bone and he was pinned firmly to the mattress. He bit his lip and hissed.

"Don't think you are going to get your way forever." Jason chuckled softly.

"Then I guess I better make the most of it."

..

"What if I just wasn't into guys?" Dick raised an eyebrow and looked at the naked boy lying next to him. "What would you have done then, Mr. Smarty Pants?"

"Please." Jason scoffed and threw his head back on the pillow. The picture would have been complete, Dick thought absent mindedly, if he had a cigarette in his hand. "I've seen the way you look at Wally." Jason looked over and wiggled his eyebrows as if to explain exactly how Dick looked at the speedster. Dick stuck his tongue out and rolled onto his back.

"That and I got him drunk once. Learned more about your guys' past fucks than I ever wanted to know." Jason spoke the words casually, as if he was commenting on the weather. Dick's reaction was anything but casual.

"Oh, come on!" He sat up, looking absolutely dismayed, and stared at the younger boy. "He wouldn't tell you about that!?" Jason's face was all innocence and he looked up at Dick through long lashes.

"No..." He said slowly, drinking in Dick's expression. "But you just did." Dick opened his mouth. Then closed it. Then opened it again and Jason had to bite his lip to keep from bursting into laughter. Dick snapped his mouth shut and shook his head, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips

"Good god, Jay, let's hope you never go dark side. I'm don't know if this city could survive it."

"You bet it wouldn't."

* * *

"So..." Dick jerked his head up sharply at the sound of a voice at the window. The sound of that voice. The first rays of sun light outlined the form crouched on the sill, helmet still covering his face. Dick stood up as he jumped down. He raised his arms, and Dick tensed, but he only undid his helmet and tossed it onto the table. His hair fell over his face, half covering the red domino mask pressed to his skin. Smoothing back his hair, he looked the older boy straight in the eye. Dick sucked in a breath as if he had been slapped. Raising his eyebrows in a way that was painfully familiar, Jason Todd spoke with a half-smile on his lips.

"Still think Gotham's got a chance?"

* * *

**Enter Jason Todd! Chapter three might be a little slow; I'm traveling for the next few days. But I'll get it up when I can.**

**Thank you to you beautiful reviewers and anyone who was followed/favorite!**


	3. Finding

**Ack! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to upload this chapter. Traveling takes a lot out of me and unlike the other chapters this one wasn't finished. But here you are!**

* * *

"Jason." Part of Dick, the part that drew its thrills from jumping off of tall buildings, wanted him to think up a snarky retort, but the rest of his mind was scrambling. Despite having been tracking him for almost two days, he was suddenly stricken by the sight of Jason standing before him. He was wearing the same outfit as before. Combat boots, brown pants, and a black shirt under a heavy leather jacket. Metal gleamed from his belt and a knife was strapped to his thigh. He still stood with the same defiant set in his shoulders, but there were new lines around his eyes and mouth and tension in the way he held his head. They were the same height now. Oh god, Dick had missed so much.

"Man, and you used to be so talkative." With a nonchalant shrug, Jason peeled the domino mask away from his eyes with one hand and tossed it onto the table. The flash of green pierced into Dick, starting him out of his daze.

"And you used to be short." _Not your best comeback_, Dick thought abstractly. The casual tone of his voice startled even him, but Jason didn't blink.

"Yeah." Jason mused, looking away and running a hand through his hair. The action brought back a flood of memories and Dick had to push them away to stay focused. "A lot has changed since then." Jason continued, letting his hand drop. A smirk creased his face and he looked back at Dick. "Like I'm legal now." Dick felt his mouth go dry at the words and his heart skipped a beat at the familiar look in Jason's eyes.

. .

Jason had Dick up against the wall, one hand supporting himself on the crumbling plaster, the other resting lightly on the older boy's chest.

"Jason, stop." Dick put his hands on the other man's shoulders in an attempt to push him away but Jason only leaned closer. He smelled rich and spicy, like a pine forest just after a rainstorm.

"Come on. When are you going to give in to the fact that you have been _dying_ for this?" Jason drew the words out, breath brushing across Dick's cheek, hand trailing down his stomach.

"When Hell freezes over." Dick muttered through gritted teeth. Jason grinned, a lopsided smirk that made Dick's knees weak.

"Then let it freeze." He leaned closer, rolling the words off his tongue just as his fingers reached Dick's belt. "I don't owe the Devil any favors." And with that Jason pressed his mouth against Dick's.

. .

Dick didn't remember their clothing ripping off. He didn't remember falling onto the bed. He barely noticed most of what was happening. All he knew was lips, nails, teeth, and the damp press of skin against skin. All he cared about was heavy breaths of the boy above him and the burn his touch was spreading through him.

Then, in one abrupt moment of clarity, he was struck by the memory of the last time he and Jason were together.

_Sitting on the floor of the training room, sore and exhausted by a sparring session that had started as a simple weapons training. The pistols they had been working with were still sitting on the table beside them. Dragging himself to his feet, Dick jerked a thumb towards the weapons._

_"You know, you are pretty good with those." Jason only flashed him a smile, too out of breath to reply. Dick started to shuffle towards his bike but paused and, after a glance around, pressed a quick kiss to Jason's lips. _

_Then he was gone. _

Dick opened his mouth to say, something, anything. But just then, Jason rolled his hips and the clarity was once again clouded with fire.

. .

Dick lay on his side, eyes closed, and waited until Jason fell asleep. When the boy's breathing relaxed into the heavy sighs Dick so clearly remembered, he opened his eyes. Jason was laying on his side on the edge of the bed, his face turned towards Dick. He looked so peaceful asleep, mouth slightly open, eyelashes brushing against his cheekbones, and so familiar that Dick's chest ached. Screw Gotham. Screw Bruce. Screw _Nightwing_. He wanted nothing more than to stay here, here with him forever.

But Dick could see a white scar, barely visible at Jason's hairline. He could imagine a crowbar crashing into the side of his face. He could remember sleepless nights, blaming Joker, blaming Bruce, blaming himself. And he knew that this Jason and the old Jason were not the same person.

But he could feel something as well. Buried under the hate, the pain, the betrayal, the other Jason, _his _Jason, was still there. Dick hadn't been there when he died. He hadn't be there when he returned. He had let Jason down over and over again. This time, he had to be there for him. He had to save Jason from himself.

With a heavy heart, Dick carefully rolled onto his back, then onto his other side and paused, now facing the window. Every movement felt like a betrayal. Desperately shoving that thought into the back of his brain, Dick bit his lip and slipped off the bed, cushioning his fall with his hands so as not to make a sound. Jason's breath, the only noise in the room, remained even. The boy had always been a heavy sleeper. Dick stood up slowly. Refusing to look at the figure in the bed, he crept over to his clothes. He slipped his boxers on and pulled something out of the pocket of his jeans. A creak came from the bed and Dick froze, pants still clenched in his fist. Ice flooding his veins, he looked over his shoulder. Jason lay on his back, one hand hanging off the edge of the bed, the other draped over his head, still fast asleep. Dick placed the jeans back on the floor, something metallic dangling from his hand. Steeling himself, he approached the bed and, as quickly as he could, slipped the handcuffs around the foot of the bed, gathered up Jason's arms, and snapped the cuffs closed on his wrists. As soon as he heard the metal click, wretchedness burned white hot in Dick's chest. He backed away from the sleeping figure. There were so many things he wished he could undo in his life; this was added raw and angry to the list.

And it was already too late. Jason tried to roll over and stopped when his arms wouldn't move. He tensed, mumbled, and relaxed again. But he would be awake soon.

Dick sat down in the far corner of the room and brought his knees to his chest, hating himself and everything that brought him to this moment.

* * *

**I have a playlist I listened to when I was writing this fic. If anyone is interested I can post it on my profile. Next chapter will be up soon!**


	4. Understanding

"Dick?" The man's head shot up from where it was resting on his knees at the sound of his name. Jason was moving on the bed, struggling against the handcuffs that kept him pinned down. His sleep-tousled hair stuck to one side of his head and his eyelashes fluttered in a panic, trying to see through the locks falling in his face.

"Jason." The word slipped out of Dick's mouth before he could stop it. He stood up and started towards the other boy. Jason stopped twisting at his name and turned his head to the sound.

"Dick…" He sounded like he did when he was younger, like a small boy looking for the older boy who was supposed to be taking care of him. He sounded frightened. A thought suddenly burned through Dick's mind, rooting him in place.

_Do you think he called out for you, when the Joker had him broken and bleeding on the ground?_

Despair scorched through his veins for second, before Dick mentally shook his head, trying to silence the voice. He had to focus.

"Jason listen…" As soon as he walked into his line of sight, Jason stiffened. With one hand, Dick tried to brush the hair out of the boy's eyes. No, _man's_. Dick forced himself to see Jason as who he was, a man who was angry, dangerous, and lost. Dick owed it to him to bring him back.

With a snort, Jason jerked his head away from the reaching hand, shaking his hair off his face.

"Kinky, Grayson." His voice had lowered back to the soft drawl and Dick flinched at the sudden change of attitude. Jason's eyes flicked down for a second, glancing at his waist. "Oh, you put my boxers on for me. How courteous. Almost makes up for tying me up while I slept." He pulled against the cuffs for a second, heaving himself into a sitting position so his back was straight against the headboard, arms pulled off to the side.

"So, let me guess." Dark humor burned in his eyes for a second as venom started seeping into his words, slow and bitter. "This is for the best? You are trying to help me. Why don't I see that? Batman is going to come, knock some sense in me, and I'll be a good little bird again?" Sitting down on the edge of the mattress, Dick shook his head softly.

"I didn't call Bruce. I want to help. What happened to you?" The harsh laugh that burst from Jason's throat echoed around the small room.

"Really? What happened?" His voice raised from the controlled, even tones of before. "What, you don't believe his account of what happened?" Dick opened his mouth to answer, but Jason kept going. "Let me give you the cliff notes. I died!" He spat the words out like a curse. "Beaten, _blown up_, and buried six feet under. Oh, and then I came back. _Back_, Grayson. From the dead. Kinda throws a wrench in things doesn't it? His biggest mistake suddenly up and walking, like some goddamn zombie!" Color crept up Jason's neck as he paused, jaw clenched, and glared at Dick. He puffed hard out of the corner of his mouth, blowing his hair away from his eyes, before leaning slightly backwards and waving one manacled hand dismissively. "Oh but don't worry yourself about that, I don't remember much of it. Just little things, like _clawing my way out of my own grave_!" The last words were almost a scream as Jason jerked forward, chest heaving, and somewhere in the back of Dick's mind, he noticed Jason's wrists were bloody under the cuffs.

"And to top it all off.." Shaking his head, Jason chuckled darkly and Dick's heart twisted. "The fucking strawberry on the cake, was that after all that, I come back and that satanic laughing bastard is still roaming the streets!" Dick tried to say something, but was cut off again. "I guess we can all be glad that one of his _sons_ didn't get their ribs splintered by a crowbar, tha-" But Dick was up and flung himself at the other boy, grabbing him by the shoulders and slamming him against the headboard.

"You were his son too!" Dick screamed in Jason's face, narrowed eyes inches from wide ones. "You were his son and it nearly killed him to lose you! He was a wreck! For months!" Dick's chest heaved, fighting to control his emotions, and the anger started seeping out of his face. "He loved you, Jason, don't you see that? He loved you and…" His head fell and his voice dropped to a whisper. "and I love you too." Jason started slightly and stared down.

They must have cut quite a picture, the two of them hunched over in a convicted apartment, one handcuffed and bleeding, the other holding him by the shoulders as if he can't decide whether to push away or pull close. They stayed like that for a minute, until dark head bent to dark and Jason pressed his forehead to the top of Dick's head.

"If," Jason's voice cracked and he whispered into Dick's hair as if he was telling a secret, "If you love me, let me go." Dick stiffened but didn't move and Jason's whisper became more pressing. "I, I have to finish this, Dick. I _have_ to. I have to fix his-." He broke off, lifting his head and shaking it slightly. "Let me go." Trembling now, Dick raised his head.

"I can't do that. I-" Dick looked pleadingly at Jason, taking hope from the unguarded look in his eyes. "I won't let you go _because_ I love you. I'm trying to understand, Jason, trying to help you, but I won't let you go down this path." Dick took a deep breath before continuing. "I'm sorry."

Jason's gaze fell for a second and when he looked up, there was no more softness in his eyes.

"I'm sorry too." The words were barely spoken above an emotionless whisper, but they seemed to ring bitterly through the room. Dick felt a hand on the back of his neck and, before he could react, something crashed into the side of his head and everything went black.

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**So, I actually wrote this chapter before any of the other ones, right after I first heard Panic! at the Disco's song "This is Gospel." And then the rest of the story just kinda followed... **

**Anyways, give the song a listen; pretty much this whole fic is based off of it. Only a few chapters left!**


	5. Lost

**So, I said I had a couple more chapters but this is actually the last one. So enjoy!**

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Dick came to with the uncomfortable sensation one gets from sitting up too quickly. His vision was blurry, covered in spots of black, and when it finally did clear, Dick found he was staring down at his own lap. His own bare lap. He jerked his head up and regretted it instantly as his vision swam again.

"Rise and shine…" Jason's drawl was far away, ringing in Dick's ears. He squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them again, trying to take in the new situation. Jason was standing on the other end of the room, back facing him, pulling his long-sleeved shirt over his head. He was already wearing his cargo pants with twin pistols stuck in the waistband. Dick thought he could see the glint of metal sticking out of the top of his boots. A half-full duffel bag had appeared on the table and that damn helmet was sitting next to it. Dick found himself sitting on the bed, hands extended over his head and cuffed around the bedpost. His legs were stretched out in front of him and, he noted ruefully, he was totally naked.

"I was kinda hoping to be gone by the time you woke up, but then again," Jason threw a glance over his shoulder. "That is quite a view."

"Hm," The noise was rough as Dick tried to clear his throat. His head was throbbing and he was pretty sure he had a concussion. "Classy, Jay. I covered you up, then I get stripped completely." Jason chuckled briefly as he reached for his jacket.

"Says a lot about me."

"Oh yeah." Dick agreed. "And if this arrangement," He shook his wrists slightly. "doesn't scream perv, I don't know what does."

"I guess you'd know." Jason didn't turn around as he spoke and instead put on his jacket, wincing as it passed over his right wrist. Dick narrowed his eyes, but kept his voice level.

"I would." The older boy agreed with a shrug that Jason couldn't see. Jason crouched down to strap the knife to his calf. "Well, I thought I knew quite a bit about handcuffs too." He paused as Jason stood up. "But I guess you knew something I didn't?"

"Apparently I did." The conversation was going in circles and Jason still wouldn't look at him. Sighing, Dick tried again.

"Man, this is like talking to Bruce, except with four word responses instead of one." As Dick had hoped, this got under Jason's skin and he whipped around, green eyes blazing. Seeing the look on Dick's face though, he turned away again, snatching the helmet off the table. There was a long pause as Jason stood with his back to Dick. He watched the younger boy's shoulders rise and fall until he turned around slowly, passing the helmet from hand to hand.

"Do," He paused and tossed the helmet to his left hand. "Do you want know how I got out of the handcuffs?" Dick tried not to let his eyebrows go up. This wasn't what he was expecting.

"Am I going to find out?" A hint of a smile creased the corner of Jason's mouth and he nodded slowly.

"I guess you are." He let go of the helmet with his pointer finger and tugged his right sleeve up to mid forearm. A white bandage was wrapped around his wrist, spotted with blood. "See that?" Jason glanced up and Dick only caught a glimpse of his eyes before he looked back down. "I got it put in Thailand…" Jason shook his sleeve down and stuffed his hand into his pocket. "A piece of metal, a shim pick, actually." He looked up to the ceiling "Right in my wrist." Dick felt his eyebrows shoot up and his mouth fall open.

"What?" The exclamation cracked as it sprung from Dick's throat, but Jason didn't seem to notice it. Instead, he pulled his hand out of his pocket, holding something dark red and about an inch and a half long between two fingers.

"There it is. All it took was a little – okay, a lot – of chaffing on the cuffs and out it came." Jason tossed the pick towards the bed and it fell to the ground with a faint clink. He threw his arms up into the air and smiled humorlessly. "I'm a walking lock pick!" Dick tried to control his voice.

"That's…"

"Surprisingly cheap to get." Jason cut him off, spun on his heel, and started pacing the room. The back of Dick's head was throbbing and the sickening realization he had from the moment Jason entered the room settled firmly in his stomach.

"Now, do you know _why_ I got it?" Jason's voice hovered between laughter and anger. Dick bit back a sassy reply.

"Why?"

"Because of you." Jason didn't hesitate, didn't look at Dick, and didn't stop pacing. "Because I thought Bruce would try to scare me, scream at me, maybe tie a batrope to my feet and dangle me off a tall building. Oh," He half chuckled, "I knew he was going to try something like that. I expected it." Suddenly whipping around, Jason stared Dick dead in the eye.

"But you? You always let your emotions overpower your judgment. So I knew you would be _stupid_ enough to come looking for me." All laughter had died out of Jason's voice and the only thing that was left was ice. "Come to reason with me. Plead with me." Jason made a face. "I knew you would come, so I made it easy for you." The mocking face became a sneer. "I know you." He stepped forward and Dick fought the urge to cringe. "You are pathetic." Another step. "And weak." Jason's words cut into Dick and his stomach rolled.

"I know you would do anything to stop me." Snorting angrily, he flipped his hair out of his eyes. "Save me, whatever you want to call it." He cocked an eyebrow, mouth curling in a cross between his smirk and a new, wicked sneer. "And I won't let you."

The words seemed to echo in Dick's brain. He let his chin fall to his chest and willed himself not to be sick.

Floorboards creaked and clattering noises rung in the room as Jason finished loading his bag. Dick's head was still reeling and his thoughts were so scattered that he was startled when he heard a voice close to his head.

"Did he ever say it?" Dick brought his head up. Jason was leaning over him, balancing his helmet on Dick's leg. The metal was cold on Dick's thigh and it held off the nausea as he stared into the other man's face. There was something in Jason's eyes, hope buried under years of hatred.

"Did he ever _actually_ say that he loved me?" The words slipped out in the same low and even tone that Dick himself had been trained to use. Dick opened mouth angrily, only to close it again. Jason's eyes darkened and Dick squeezed his own shut and let his head fall again. "Or the replacement?" Dick bit down on the inside of his cheek.

"Or you?" Jason's last words were soft, almost as if he didn't want to say them. Dick felt his eyes burn. He had come so close to saving Jason, and once again Bruce had destroyed any chance of the boy trusting _anyone_. Jason bit down roughly on his lip and shook his head.

"I didn't think so." Turning away, he walked towards the window and glanced out at the setting sun.

"Well," Jason's voice took on a now familiar tone, amused and bitter. "I'd better get going. Wouldn't want to get caught," He looked Dick up and down, a smirk tugging at his lips. "with my pants down." He shrugged. "Or off. You don't mind if I take these, do you?" With an eyebrow raised, he held up Dick's clothes. "They might come in handy." Dick looked up, hurt and anger still brimming in his eyes.

"I doubt blue matches red." Voice thick, he flicked his eyes from his blue shirt clutched in Jason's one hand to the red helmet in the other.

"You'd be surprised." Came the response. "Ah well," He tossed them into the bag on the table and zipped it closed. "You never know until you try." He lifted his helmet to his head. The moment Jason's face disappeared behind the red metal was the moment Dick truly realized he had lost him. He knew he would be lying awake at night for years after this, trying to think of something else he could have said, could have done, to change Jason's mind. But he still couldn't bring himself to say anything now. He just watched as Jason hoisted the bag onto his shoulder. As he swung a leg out of the window. As he turned back one last time and said in a voice so low that Dick wasn't sure if he imagined it,

"Be careful, Dickie-bird."

And with that, he was gone.

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**And that's it! Thanks for reading my first chapter story and internet cookies to gothgirl79 and Liirko for the continued support. Reviews are always adored!**


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